Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
