Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
