I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize