I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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