I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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