so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
