I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
