I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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