How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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