Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
