Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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