yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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