someone get that fucking seahorse.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize