my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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