Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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