you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
