Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
