Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
whose parrot is this?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
