Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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