Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
