hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
