Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
