They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
