At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
