Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The beer is more important than you right now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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