you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
