I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
