I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
