"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
