This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
