Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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