This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
