Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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