This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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