so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
