you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
