Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
