Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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