Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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