Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
