Define "chronic" masturbator.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
