I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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