party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize