Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
