Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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