If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize