he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
