she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
