Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
