What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
