i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
