Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
