It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
