WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Alive.
So much puke
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
and you fell through a lawn chair
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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