trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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