Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
