giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
