New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
