My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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