Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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