I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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