so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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