I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
