those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
