and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize