Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
