dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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