Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
