someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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