I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I will die if light touches me.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
