he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
