I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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