ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
