would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
