I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
