can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
