well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
